still a puzzle

Christmas is almost here
and yet got no special someone
to whom
i could offer
even a stick of lollipops

where are you
when i needed you most
will i be able
to see you this Christmas
it is still
a big puzzle

but of course , i'll try
i really want to go
and see you

but how about her
is she beautiful
perhaps i better not
and let my dreams
be dreams forever

When Will My Turn Be ?

damn this feeling
why did you took for granted my feelings ?
i tried to understand you
but what about me ?
when will my turn be ?
when will someone listen to me ?
i also deserve a shoulder i could lean on,
    a listening ear

sometimes i don't really understand
but i listen
i can not understand myself alone
i need you to process me and
 my questions , doubts and confusion

do I really belong where I am needed ?

Thinking of You again

do  you understand my feelings for you ?
or are you puzzled (just like me )?
but the initiative must come from you
are you getting the point i'm driving at ?
like the truth that hurts

i hope
you're not blind
but i can't really blame you
since we live in two different worlds

maybe when i'll sleep tonight
i'll be thinking of you again
i wonder
how come i never grew tired of you ?
every day it's the same painful reality
and yet ... i still go on

Fantasy world

i don't know how to start
this whole damn thing
it's hard
'cause i might fail
i want to stop
all this "craziness"
we belong to different worlds
no mater what
i must be with reality

it's quite painful on my part
'cause i really am in love with you
but i can't live in a fan

tasy world
it's hard
but i guess i have to

Your Face

other faces, other loves
a mistake
an unreachable star
like you
but you are
still the one
i dearly love
there would be others
but only for a fling
because of your absence
but in my heart
in my memory
it will always be you

i am sorry
but can you really blame me ?
it has been
months ago
sometimes
i can't even remember
your FACE
but one thing is sure though
i can NEVER forget you

Do you think of me ?

do you think of me ?
even once in while
do you love me ?
the same way that i love you
even if there are "other faces "
still your always on my mind
but you're so numb
and blind

What's happening to me ?
my mind is so confused
and my life's so empty
i need you
to fill that certain emptiness in me
give me a chance to survive , please ....

Raining outside

It's raining outside
and the feeling of loneliness
is killing me
but thank God
summer is over
do you know what
summer reminds me
so much of you ???

on the other hand
thank God it's raining
and it's June
it means going back to school
and meeting new friends
it will somehow alleviate
the pain you bring

i'll be busy with school
and i would not
have much time
to daydream....and
dream of you


written June 23,1981